Stupid Jokes that made you roar with laughter

[Gutex0]

Merkel at passport control in Poland. "Nationality?" asks the officer. "German" she replied. "Occupation?" "No, just for a few days here".

[Hamsterslapper]

The host at an Irish wedding reception said to the crowd, "I want all of you married men to give a hug to the person who gives your life meaning."

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

[Gutex0]

When you release a song Justin Bieber from behind ... hear a message from Satan. Even worse as you release it normally ...you hear Bieber.

[Gutex0]

This year's summer is not more hot. Just so you are so fat the sun falls on the larger surface.

[Gutex0]

I did not last any new photos of Bigfoot. I hope that everything is okay with him.

[Gutex0]

What are you Joachim - asked Angela. - Cool - after dealing with Greece, a time to Italy and then to come off to Portugal or Spain. And what about you? - For me basically the same thing. After dealing with Greece time to Spain and then as it is not bankrupt, Portugal or Italy.

[A.tab]

A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell.

The party waiting behind her was a group from the White House that included Obama.

Obama quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.
... She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, "I'm President Obama and I hope you'll vote for me this November."

She laughed and quickly said, "I fell on my ass, not my head!"

[gxnn]

A company chief has taken his young female secretary out on business for half a month. On returning home, in order to cover his affairs with the girl, he doubled his efforts in bed with his wife and disturbed his neighbor with the loud noise thus made.
Then he heard the angry voice from his neighbor:"What the hell is that?! It has been like that over the past two weeks, could you two leave us a peaceful sleep?"
(translated from a joke original in Chinese,hope it can be understood)

[gxnn]

A woman who had yet been impregnated for a long time went to see the doctor, who had given her many different prisriptions for treatment.But they did not work on the woman.
Surprised to find she was still a virgin,then the doctor began to ride on her.
Her husband asked what it was.
The doctor said, "I am applying a new treatment for your wife."
(please, Atab or other good hearted guys, help me revise the above in beautiful English, many thanks.)

[gaphugs]

Husband finds doctor fucking his infertile wife

[A.tab]

A woman who had yet been impregnated for a long time went to see the doctor, who had given her many different prisriptions for treatment.But they did not work on the woman.
Surprised to find she was still a virgin,then the doctor began to ride on her.
Her husband asked what it was.
The doctor said, "I am applying a new treatment for your wife."
(please, Atab or other good hearted guys, help me revise the above in beautiful English, many thanks.)

I suggest you ask phunners whose native language is English....

You are picking on the wrong person

[Big Bamboo!]

Husband finds doctor fucking his infertile wife

So very bluntly put!

[A.tab]

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?


WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?


WITNESS: I forget.


ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?


WITNESS: We both do.


ATTORNEY: Voodoo?


WITNESS: We do.


ATTORNEY: You do?


WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.


____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"


WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


____________________________________


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?


WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.


___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?


WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?


WITNESS: Getting laid


____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?


WITNESS: Yes.


ATTORNEY: How many were boys?


WITNESS: None.


ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?


WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.


Can I get a new attorney?


____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?


WITNESS: By death.


ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?


WITNESS: Take a guess.


____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?


WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.


ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?


WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.


______________________________ _______


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?


WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?


What school did you go to?


WITNESS: Oral.


_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?


WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.


ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?


WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.


____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


______________________________________


And the best for last:


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?


WITNESS: No.


ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?


WITNESS: No .


ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?


WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.


ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?


WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[Jammsbro]

VERY GOOD JOKES GXNN. THANKS FOR THE BIG FONT. I WOULD HAVE MISSED THE POST OTHERWISE.

[A.tab]

Hey Jamms the guy has since been banned, was this font the reason