Inuk's Igloo : The Phun Random Chat Thread!

Once upon a time there was an evil mathematician who started differentiating things. He pointed at his couch and yelled "I differentiate you!", and it differentiated. He pointed at the mailman and yelled "I differentiate you!", and it disappeared. He pointed at the shop across the street and said "I differentiate you!", and it exploded.
He was finally subdued after a long struggle and taken to court. To keep him from causing more chaos, he was drugged and unable to speak. The judge found him guilty, and was about to sentance him when the drugs wore off and he started differentiating things again. He differentiated the bailiff, the judge, and the jury, when someone came up behind him and put his hand on his shoulder. The evil mathematician pointed at the man and yelled "I differentiate you!", and nothing happened. He tried to differentiate him a second and third time to no avail.
Finally, he looked at the man and said, "What's going on? Why won't you differentiate?"
The man looked back and said, "You can't differentiate me -- I'm e^x."

 

What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?

A white one starts off with "Once upon a time...".
A black one starts off with "Yo ass ain't gonna believe dis shit..."

 

Once upon a time, when I was a child in Nazi Germany, I was preyed upon by an older man in a succession of sexual attacks.

"You wait!" I would shout in frustration as he had his wicked way with me, "when I am head of the Gestapo I shall hunt you down and kill you!"

But he would simply sneer ..."Oh yeah? You're going to be the head of the Gestapo are you? And I'll fucking be his Holiness the fucking Pope!" he'd say as he rogered me remorselessly.

I look back now and..., well...., I never did get to even be in the Gestapo, let alone ever be the head of it.

But strangely enough...........

 

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "NO !!!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and humped skinny long-legged big titted girls and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whisky, beer and never heard bitching and never paid child support or divorce settlement and kept his house and guns and ate egg and chips and beans and blew enormous farts and all his friends and family thought he was a cool bugger and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and pissed outside when he wanted.


The End.

 

Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.

Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."

 

I have a rental car and hotel room all lined up in the City for when I pick up my Love.

 

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel lucky for doing so."

That night the princess had frog legs for dinner.

 

what type of car?

and, is it the honeymoon suite?

 

it is a Buick Lucerne there TO.

heh, no not yet.

 

sweet ride

 

it is a very nice ride TO!

going to go work out. be back in a bit.

 

laters Inuk

 

I've had 10,800 posts thanked

 

and, I be out

 

Already gone.....

 

and I 26,777

 

I back, if only for a short bit

:hi: merlin

 

dammit, got company. laters