The 70's... To try, or not.

Many days have passed since the three nights that unfolded and changed how I look at women. I like so many others have found through life you have those certain moments, that make you decide. A choice. Are they thinking what I am thinking? Do I try? While attending college I had a couple of these moments.

It was in 1971, while attending a small Catholic community college that these choices confronted me. It was the first time I had ever lived with another woman as I had grown up raised by a single father and two brothers. My roommate, Michelle, and I grew very close. Only like women can. A bond formed that I didn't know could exist between women. It confused me at first, and looking back it still does. I couldn't help but stare at her, wanting to touch her hand or put my fingers through her hair. Was this normal? Does she feel like I do. I hid all my feelings in shame, and didn't know who to ask. Is this bond between women, or something more. Time passed and would tell me it was more.

Michelle was such good looking woman, well... from a woman's standpoint and I can attest probably from a man's standpoint with the amount of phone calls that would come in. She had beautiful brunette hair, about 5'8" and I would guess about 120 pounds. How I would die to have a body like hers and the attention from men she had. She seemed to eat whatever she wanted to. I swear at times she knew I was interested in her more than friends. She would at times catch me staring, but I would turn away and act like I was in deep thought.

"What is it you where thinking about?", she inquired.

I wish I had the courage. Lay it down right there. But I didn't. I instead waited till she fell asleep, and looked at her. I lay in bed touching my breasts through the sheets. I so often woke up early in the morning just to make sure I could see her get ready for school, and I would use that image in my head for nights like that one. Imagining her laying naked while I quietly touched myself. Hoping that the movement of the loft did not wake her, but I subconsciously was wishing it would. That I would get caught with my hand down my pants, and instead of her being shocked.... well ya know. We all have dreams.

It was a Tuesday, she came running into our dorm room eyes filled with tears. Her boyfriend Greg just had broken up with her. She lept into my arms, and I held her. I moved her to the couch consoling her the best that I knew how and that was mostly holding her tightly. I looked at this as an opportunity, but would it be cheap and the wrong moment? My insides where on fire, this is my chance...

I looked her straight in the eyes.

"I could hold you forever like this", I said.
"What do you mean?"
"Uhm, well. I've often dream that you would let me hold you. That yould let me gently put my fingers through your hair.."
"What", she interrupted. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

With this I could see my choice that had presented itself may have turned for the worst. I truly believed that she knew what I was getting at. It wasn't as if she hadn't caught me watching her with her boyfriend. I instead back peddled and tried to cover.

"You know, help you through these times as if a mother would." Jeez, you would have thought I would have come up with something better.

"Hmmm", she said. "I'm tired and just want to lay down." And with that, she did.

You know how it goes from here. Our relationship was never the same. We didn't talk much from that point on. Graduation came and a quick hug was all that passed in congratulatory form. Nothing more. I wouldn't hear from her for another 5 years.

I was at home, alone like so many other nights when the phone rang. It was Michelle and she was in town. Doing what I wasn't sure. She seemed odd on the phone and was asking that I meet her at her hotel. She said bring my bathing suit as they had a pool and sauna. Confused a bit, I did as she asked and have to admit I was really excited at seeing her again.

I got to the hotel probably in 20 minutes, record time from my place to downtown. I guess I was more excited that I realized. I went up to her room where she was already in her swimsuit and she instructed me to go ahead and change, and so I did.

We had small idle chit chat and caught up on many things. She wanted to hit the sauna first as she said her back hurt from the long drive. She evidently moved to Colorado after school, while I stayed here in Indiana. I tried to hide it, but the feelings I had for her where probably 10 times worse than in college. I could feel the moistness between my legs as we where on the elevator going down. This wasn't a normal women bond, and I realized this now. I never felt like this for anyone else, but damnit I just wanted to kiss her.

She had so much to say, and expressed she had changed so much. She brought up that night in college. I looked down and tried to keep from making too much eye contact, as I was afraid she would sense something.



We first sat apart, but I could sense she was there for something else.


...to be continued.

 

you had me at hello

 

So was this story a dud compared to the other I take it? <shrug>