1. Rapidgator has been added to our approved mandatory hosts while Uploaded as been removed. These hosts are not to be used in combination with each other unless a second approved mandatory is used. See our file host rules for more information.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Guest - Remember that Thread Prefixes are a search tool! Click on a Thread Prefix and all threads with the same Prefix in that forum will be offered to you. To dismiss click on X >>>
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Our gif only content threads have a rule where all thumbs must be posted as a static thumbnail that does not play. Currently imagebam made a change where they no longer produce static thumbs. Therefore, please do not use imagebam, or any host, that provides live playing gifs in those specific threads. If you see your gif playing once you post, try to use a smaller thumbnail and if that does not work use a different approved host.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Can't Log-in?. If your password is no longer accepted but the email address registered in your profile is working, use the "Forgot Your Password?" routine. However, if your registered email address is unusable, create a new temporary phun account and contact S-type.
    Dismiss Notice
  5. ATTN: Imagehost picpie is infected with the "internet security warning" redirect that tries to take users hostage with an inescapable redirect. Avoid using picpie as an imagehost.
    Dismiss Notice
  6. Too many Alerts? Why not adjust your "Alert Preferences" in your Profile Page?
    Dismiss Notice

The Random Thread (My 5985)

Discussion in 'Hall of Fame' started by Jack Tripper, Jun 10, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jack Tripper

    Jack Tripper I don't know. ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ 15 Year Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2009
    Messages:
    93,024
    Likes Received:
    73,241
    Well this is to celebrate my 5985th post, I wanted to wait till I reached 6000 but then that's what everybody seems to be doing, why should post number 5985 be any less important, :D

    Post any random thing that comes to mind.

    Cheers Phunners :cheers:
     
  2. MarkyMark1971

    MarkyMark1971 Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Messages:
    62,524
    Likes Received:
    229,571
    I :love: :boobies:!!!
     
  3. Perfect4ths

    Perfect4ths Hell is empty. All the Devils are here! ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ 15 Year Member Original Phun Crew Polls Champion 2023

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2008
    Messages:
    49,160
    Likes Received:
    97,843
  4. Billy Sastard

    Billy Sastard One thousand brown M&Ms ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ Ten Years of Phun

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    34,814
    Likes Received:
    43,038
    Excellent.

    Another spam thread.

    Just in time too, the other 48 spam threads are nearing completion.
     
  5. irish-sid

    irish-sid BANNED

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2008
    Messages:
    18,174
    Likes Received:
    12,291
  6. GBTG

    GBTG Phuns Resident Music Nerd ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    14,708
    :spankme:
     
  7. Jack Tripper

    Jack Tripper I don't know. ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ 15 Year Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2009
    Messages:
    93,024
    Likes Received:
    73,241
    The others were getting over crowded, I thought I'd share out the spam load :p
     
  8. Inuk

    Inuk insert witty comment here ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ 15 Year Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    Messages:
    187,080
    Likes Received:
    72,028
    When I woke up today I saw my cell phone battery was low so I plugged it in to charge up my LG Shine after which II thought of the movie sling blade for some reason I am not sure why after which I thought of the album by the group Shinedown that markymark sent me for some reason I remember that Three Kings is a movie I haven’t seen in ages then King Nothing is another song I haven’t heard but am not sure why it’s not on my ipod which I just charged up also while in the shower and am currently listening to the outlaw torn at the moment while typing this I realized that my gum is a little flavourless and I should have a new piece but this coffee must have diluted it a little bit but hey I’m going to go out soon so I don’t think I need another one but you never know when you are going to need a new one so maybe now I should think about going out on the road and take a ride in my truck which I just filled up with gas which Billy must call Petrol which is totally weird to me but gas to him must be those stinky farts he has after someone like elturko who is down in south America must make some wicked chilli or is that just racist which I have no idea of because do they eat chilli there or is that only in Mexico of which I do know a very cool Messican dude from another board who incidently has a WICKED awesome lawn which is not racist in any part as I know him so I can say he has a wicked lawn and isn’t a bad thing to say as this Snow Negro has no Lawn in the arctic.

    I could use another coffee or maybe not.
     
  9. irish-sid

    irish-sid BANNED

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2008
    Messages:
    18,174
    Likes Received:
    12,291
    :blowjob:
     
  10. Billy Sastard

    Billy Sastard One thousand brown M&Ms ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ Ten Years of Phun

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    34,814
    Likes Received:
    43,038

    LOL

    One of the greatest sentences ever written on Phun

    LOL
     
    Inuk likes this.
  11. haydaddict

    haydaddict Smiley King ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ 15 Year Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Messages:
    74,023
    Likes Received:
    94,627
  12. arespilgrim

    arespilgrim Blast from the Past ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    84,532
    Likes Received:
    20,334
    And one day Ares says; The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my spam brothers. And you will know my name is the Spam Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
     
  13. arespilgrim

    arespilgrim Blast from the Past ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    84,532
    Likes Received:
    20,334
    By the way, I am not Christian, I just went to Catholic school for eight years.
     
  14. arespilgrim

    arespilgrim Blast from the Past ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    84,532
    Likes Received:
    20,334
    TOM: There’s six black cocks and a little white kitten sitting on the side of the road. How many beaks have they got between them?
    SOAP: Six.
    TOM: How many wings have they got between them?
    SOAP: Twelve.
    TOM: How many feet?
    SOAP: Er, well, twelve. No, sixteen.
    TOM: That’s right. So how many whiskers has the little white kitten got?
    SOAP: How the fuck should I know?
    TOM: How come you know so much about black cocks and so little about white pussy?
     
  15. arespilgrim

    arespilgrim Blast from the Past ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    84,532
    Likes Received:
    20,334
    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and Smurfs.
     
  16. Billy Sastard

    Billy Sastard One thousand brown M&Ms ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ Ten Years of Phun

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    34,814
    Likes Received:
    43,038
    Whats got six legs and a cunt right in the middle of its back?










    A Policehorse
     
    Inuk likes this.
  17. arespilgrim

    arespilgrim Blast from the Past ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    84,532
    Likes Received:
    20,334
    President Josiah Bartlet: Werner Von Braun's autobiography was titled `I Aim for the Stars`. Mort Sahl joked, "He should have added `Only Sometimes I Hit London`."
     
  18. arespilgrim

    arespilgrim Blast from the Past ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    84,532
    Likes Received:
    20,334
    I could suck on a fag right about now.
    Erm, ok........I'll just watch, I guess.
    Huh?
    You wanna suck on a...
    Cigarette. A cigarette. A fag.
    Oh. Ohhh!
    Wait, dude; you'll just watch? What the fuck?
    I was trying to be polite.
    Mmm-hmm.
     
  19. Billy Sastard

    Billy Sastard One thousand brown M&Ms ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ Ten Years of Phun

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    34,814
    Likes Received:
    43,038
    Whats the greatest invention ever?

    I vote for 'The Miniskirt'
     
  20. arespilgrim

    arespilgrim Blast from the Past ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    84,532
    Likes Received:
    20,334
    It was Los Angeles, November, 1997. It was wet. Damned wet. El Nino wet. Our story takes place in a travellers hostel in Inglewood. Yes, i said Inglewood. For those outside of LA and the world beyond, South Central was synonymous with ghetto and violence in LA. In LA, Inglewood and Compton were the places to be avoided.

    And there we were, a former motel of foreign white folk in the midst. Ironically, it was the foreign part that kept it safe. On the street, no-one ever bothered you, however incongrous a white face in Inglewood may have been. It was like a truce.

    Into this surreal setting, we pitch our heroes.

    There were many of us in those days. There was Alexa, the girl from Berlin. Greg, the Kiwi from Taupo. A couple from Perth whose name escapes me just now. Thomas from London. Ross the chef, an Australian Jew from Melbourne who loved bacon and taught me how to shave properly. Catherine, the sweet girl from Dublin. And me, young, wide-eyed, pitched into the dangers of the wider world, unbeknowst of the perils and horrors that lay ahead.

    But that's another story.

    One stormy night, my good friend Ross, the Australian Jew who liked his bacon, set his eyes upon a blonde girl from St Louis. And when i say blonde, i mean really blonde. The sort of blonde where you think the bleach must have seeped through her pores into her brain at some point in her existence, so blonde was she.

    Of course, Ross, my Jewish-Australian bacon-eating friend, wanted to get into her knickers.

    Now, this blonde from St Louis, she was so clueless as to the world beyond her shores, I had taken to drawing little napkin maps to explain the location of certain things. Other countries, for example. I wouldn't have been surprised to discover that she thought the world was flat.

    Now, as to her level of georgraphic intelligence, put it like this; she was from St Louis, and she knew that New York was east, Los Angeles was west, Canada was north and Mexico was south, but *exactly* where they were was where she would stumble.

    Now, I hail from the great and ancient city of Lincoln. And when I say ancient, I mean 2,500 years of settlement ancient, for our American cousins who think a century is old. But, being in America, when I said Lincoln, some fool always responded, `Oh, Lincoln, Nebraska?` Yes, because I sound so American mid-western to you, do I? So, I had developed a habit of saying, `Lincoln, England` in response to the `where are you from` question.

    I said this to said blonde.

    She nodded and went `uh-huh.`

    And her next words have remained imprinted upon my mind to this day. People say it's not true, but on my honour, it is the truth.

    She said;

    `After Abraham Lincoln?`

    Ross, my friend the Australian Jew who liked his bacon, jerked when he heard this and his head snapped around like it was on a steel spring. He told me later that my face just sort of....froze. Now, Ross, my friend, wanted to sleep with the girl, no matter how insanely dumb she was. She was moderately pretty, legal and available, all Ross, my friend, cared about. He gave me a beseeching look of `don't queer my pitch, bro`, and the blonde's face was beginning to show signs of realising her mistake.

    So, understandably, I panicked.

    `Yes,` I blurted out. `Yes. When the Romans named my city, they foresaw your 16th President.`

    She seemed happy with that and swiftly changed the subject.

    The next morning, Ross, my Jewish-Australian friend who liked his bacon, came down after sealing the deal and told me that she'd changed the subject herself the night before because she didn't know who the 16th President had been, and didn't want to appear foolish.

    Oh, how I laughed.

    THE END
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page