The Sancho And Juicehead666 Random Chat Thread!

Wanna hear my very best US story about that?

 

Fortunately, my memory is not as short as my pecker, so I did remember you indicating that you were British and you must currently be residing without the blessing of sunlight at present. therefore, my astutely keen engineering brain indicated to me that you probably were not referring to the City located in the plains of Nebraska! But I just could not resist the urge to needle you just a bit!

 

Sure! Why not?!

It has been awhile, Ares must be typing away in ernest. Hope Ernest does not mind!

 

I once wrote it out, story form, but the facts are all true;


It was Los Angeles, November, last years of the 20th Century. It was wet. Damned wet. El Nino wet. Our story takes place in a travellers hostel in Inglewood. Yes, i said Inglewood. For those outside of LA and the world beyond, South Central was synonymous with ghetto and violence in LA. In LA, Inglewood and Compton were the places to be avoided.

And there we were, a former motel of foreign white folk in the midst. Ironically, it was the foreign part that kept it safe. On the street, no-one ever bothered you, however incongrous a white face in Inglewood may have been. It was like a truce.

Into this surreal setting, we pitch our heroes.

There were many of us in those days. There was Alexa, the girl from Berlin. Greg, the Kiwi from Taupo. A couple from Perth whose name escapes me just now. Thomas from London. Ross the chef, an Australian Jew from Melbourne who loved bacon and taught me how to shave properly. Catherine, the sweet girl from Dublin. And me, young, wide-eyed, pitched into the dangers of the wider world, unbeknowst of the perils and horrors that lay ahead.

But that's another story.

One stormy night, my good friend Ross, the Australian Jew who liked his bacon, set his eyes upon a blonde girl from St Louis. And when i say blonde, i mean really blonde. The sort of blonde where you think the bleach must have seeped through her pores into her brain at some point in her existence, so blonde was she.

Of course, Ross, my Jewish-Australian bacon-eating friend, wanted to get into her knickers.

Now, this blonde from St Louis, she was so clueless as to the world beyond her shores, i had taken to drawing little napkin maps to explain the location of certain things. Other countries, for example. I wouldn't have been surprised to discover that she thought the world was flat.

Now, as to her level of intelligence, put it like this; she was from St Louis, and she knew that New York was east, Los Angeles was west, Canada was north and Mexico was south, but *exactly* where they were was where she would stumble.

Now, i hail from the great and ancient city of Lincoln. And when i say ancient, i mean 2,500 years of settlement ancient, for our American cousins who think a century is old. But, being in America, when i said Lincoln, some fool always responded, `Oh, Lincoln, Nebraska?` Yes, because i sound so American mid-western to you, do i? So, i had developed a habit of saying, `Lincoln, England` in response to the `where are you from` question.

I said this to said blonde.

She nodded and went `uh-huh.`

And her next words have remained imprinted upon my mind to this day. People say it's not true, but on my honour, it is the truth.

She said;

`After Abraham Lincoln?`

Ross, my friend the Australian Jew who liked his bacon, jerked when he heard this and his head snapped around like it was on a steel spring. He told me later that my face just sort of....froze. Now, Ross, my friend, wanted to sleep with the girl, no matter how insanely dumb she was. She was moderately pretty, legal and available, all Ross, my friend, cared about. He gave me a beseeching look of `don't queer my pitch, bro`, and the blonde's face was beginning to show signs of realising her mistake.

So, i panicked.

`Yes,` i blurted out. `Yes. When the Romans named my city, they foresaw your 16th President.`

She seemed happy with that and swiftly changed the subject.

The next morning, Ross, my Jewish-Australian friend who liked his bacon, came down after sealing the deal and told me that she'd changed the subject herself the night before because she didn't know who the 16th President had been, and didn't want to appear foolish.

Oh, how i laughed.

THE END

 

:mrgreen:

 

And it's all true... :mrgreen:

Hi gang.

 

Hey, PM.

It really is all true. I may have got a bit lyrical with the prose, but I'm British, it's in my blood.

But the facts, and especially what she said, are all accurate. You don't just forget shit like that.

 

Be back in a bit; gonna watch some Match of The Day.

 

Oh dear! My belly is in pain from laughing. God bless all the American dumb blonds, because they certainly need it!

Thank you for taking the time to share that with me!

 

What's "Match of the Day?"

Hi Thore.

 

Hey PM!

 

Match of the Day? Thore clueless (soccer, tennis, cricket,.....?)

 

You're welcome.

It's a round-up of the days football games, major incidents, goals etc.

 

Hey guys!!! Jason Varitek just hit a grand slam but the Yankees still lead by one!

 

Got it.

I'm trying to wake up/get oriented etc....

 

I see. Here in the States we call that "highlights" or "plays of the day." Well, that explains why you returned as quickly as you did......

 

Hey Marky!

 

Only wanted to watch the Liverpool goals.

 

Hey, spider.

Great Dollhouse, as ever. Awww, Topher with Sierra.